THE FAMILY OF HOSEA TEARS ITSELF APART (Hosea 1:3-8)

The birth of their first child, a son Jezreel, brought a measure of joy to Hosea and Gomer.

   So Hosea married Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she became pregnant and gave Hosea a son. And the LORD said, "Name the child Jezreel ... " (vs. 3-4a)

But the relationship was soon tested. Gomer became unsettled. Her old friends kept pressuring her to have more fun. Her defences came crashing down. She allowed her wedding day commitment to recede. Two more children arrived during this time of Gomer’s sleeping around, a daughter Lo-ruhamah, and another son, Lo-ammi. But the children became part of Hosea's family, even as Gomer came and went.

   Soon Gomer became pregnant again and gave birth to a daughter. And the LORD said to Hosea, "Name your daughter Lo-ruhamah - 'Not loved' - for I will no longer show love to the people of Israel or forgive them. But I, the LORD their God will show love to the people of Judah. I will personally free them from their enemies without any help from weapons or armies."

   After Gomer had weaned Lo-ruhamah, she again became pregnant and gave birth to a second son. And the LORD said, "Name him Lo-ammi - 'Not my people' - for Israel is not my people, and I am not their God. Yet the time will come when Israel will prosper and become a great nation." (vs. 6-9)

Gomer was following the adulterous life style of her society. Hosea was devastated. The children became confused as to their identity. Gomer lost her sense of belonging. Relationships within the family fractured. The family tore itself apart. Hosea now had good reason to divorce his wife. While not encouraged in Jewish culture, divorce was allowed under certain circumstances. In answer to a question by members of the religious order called Pharisees, Jesus explained it this way ...

  “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no man separate them, for God has joined them together.”

   “Then why did Moses say a man could merely write an official letter of divorce and send her away?” they asked.

   Jesus replied, “ Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery - unless his wife has been unfaithful.” (Matthew 19:4-9).

Moses gave these instructions concerning divorce to set restraints on what the people were already doing. He did not encourage the practice but tried to regulate it. In the light of these regulations and because divorce was an accepted part of Jewish life, Hosea would have had the support of his family in deciding to divorce Gomer. But he did not press for the death penalty as the law would have allowed him to. The law was this: “If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death.” (Leviticus 20:10).

LIVING WITH THE FALLOUT OF DIVORCE

After the breakdown of the marriage, the three children most likely would have stayed with Hosea in the family home. How may the family have been affected by the fractured relationships? First of all there would have been ...

The Inner Hurt

Outwardly, the family members may have put on brave faces. But inwardly they would have been hurting intensely. As Solomon discovered,

   Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains. (Proverbs 14:13).

For Hosea there was the pain of loneliness and separation. Sometimes he would have been overcome by sadness, perhaps depression. At others by anger, bitterness, and frustration. There may have been days when he felt confused and unable to make decisions. Deep inner unhappiness would have been the lot of Gomer despite the outward gaiety and laughter of her wayward lifestyle. And for the children, emotional insecurity would have destroyed what should have been the innocence and happy activities of childhood. The fracturing of family life would also have contributed to ...

A Confusion Of Roles Within The Family

Jewish culture required that Gomer be a companion to her husband and for her to support him in his role of leadership within the home. Social custom had her prepare the food for family meals. She would serve the men first. Then after they had finished eating she and the children would eat. While walking from place to place, her husband went first in order to protect her from danger. She and the children followed at a respectful distance. This did not imply that she was to be seen only as a servant or thought to be any less important than her husband. The different roles of husband and wife were clearly defined. Wight[1] points out that a wife was able “to exert tremendous influence for good or ill over her husband.” And King Lemuel[2] wrote this about a conscientious wife. “Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good not harm all the days of his life.” But Gomer was now unable to bring any of this to the marriage.

Jewish culture required that children show the same respect to their mothers as they did to their fathers. Both father and mother were to be regarded as having equal authority in their upbringing. This is why Solomon exhorted the youth of his day, “Listen my son to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” (Proverbs 1:8). But now the children in Hosea’s home were confused about who they should listen to. The role models of their parents were in conflict. And their own roles within the family were less clearly defined. Lo-Ruhamah soon found that she was required to take on some of her mother’s responsibilities, such as seeing that the supply of olive oil for cooking and for fuel for the lamps was maintained. Taking up her mother’s work of baking bread may also have fallen to her. This was not light work. Bread was baked on heated stones, in a ground oven, or in a large stone jar. The grain was ground early in the morning on hand operated mills.

Hosea’s leadership role would also have become blurred as he tried to be both father and mother to the children. It would have been difficult for him to function in the role expected of him. Wight[3] writes,

   Under the patriarchal administration, the father is supreme in command. The authority which the father has, extends to his wife, to his children, his children’s children, his servants, and to all his household, and if he is the sheik, it extends to all the tribe ... In the majority of cases, the great authority which the father has was handed down to his eldest son who took over the position of leadership upon the death of his father.

While Gomer was away chasing after her lovers, Hosea and the family tried to cover the role she had vacated, but in doing so their own roles became blurred and confused. The family was turned upside down and inside out. The fractured family would also have had to cope with ...

Discord In The Extended Family

Hosea’s extended family would have experienced much unhappiness following the marriage break up. It can be assumed that much of this would have been connected with the Jewish custom requiring the payment of a ‘bride price’. The ‘bride price’ was a payment made by the groom to the family of the bride. The groom’s family helped him to put the payment together. It was not payment for the bride in a commercial sense. It was seen as a payment to compensate the bride’s family for its loss of a valued family member. After her marriage, the contribution of her skills and support would transfer to her husband’s family. The bride’s family therefore expected some form of compensation.

The compensation could be in the form of a cash payment. It could also be given as service of some kind. An example of a ‘bride price’ of this kind may be seen in the years of service Jacob gave to Laban’s family. The Biblical story follows Jewish culture as it unfolds.

   Now Laban had two daughters: Leah, who was the oldest, and her younger sister Rachel. Leah had pretty eyes, but Rachel was beautiful in every way, with a lovely face and shapely figure. Since Jacob was in love with  Rachel he told her father, "I’ll work for you for seven years if you’ll give me Rachel, your younger daughter, as my wife." So Jacob spent the next seven years working to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. (Genesis 29:16-20).

The story also points to the way in which human sinfulness can show itself even in the best of cultural practices as it tells of the way Laban tricked Jacob in order to get an increase in the amount of compensation.

The ‘bride price’ could also be in the form of goods or livestock. Or it could combine several methods of payment. The ‘bride price’ paid to Gomer’s family may well have been mainly cattle or other animals or produce.

If a man ever divorced his wife, then his family would expect the girl’s family to pay back the ‘bride price’. This could generate a lot of ill feeling among family members. We may be sure that Hosea’s family would have demanded the return of the bride price. Hosea would then have been caught up in a bitter family dispute. A further result of the family break up would have been ...

Rising Stress Levels

A person experiences stress when under any kind of pressure. The stress may be brought about by pressure in the physical, emotional, psychological, mental or spiritual areas of life. Stress in one area of life may affect another. For example, emotional stress may trigger a physical problem. Stress of a psychological nature may be caused by the anxiety associated with an illness.  People experiencing stress feel pressed down and unable to cope with life. Paul experienced stress like this during his teaching tour of Asia. He referred to the experience in one of his letters.

   I think you ought to know dear friends, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:8-10).

Meier, Minirth, Wichern, & Ratcliffe[4] refer to a table of stress producing situations drawn up by Holmes. Holmes assigns a number of points to each situation, according to the level of stress he thinks an experience produces. At the top of the table he places the death of a spouse, divorce, and marital separation. He awards to these three experiences 100, 73, and 65 points respectively. The authors then explain the significance of the points given.

   An accumulation of 200 or more life change units in a single year is often followed by the development of psychiatric disorders. The most stressful change is loss of a spouse, parent, or other close relative. The mortality rate actually increases markedly during the first year of a bereavement. Children suffer greatly from loss of a parent, often exhibiting overt depression, misconduct, or clinging behaviour. The more insecure such children feel, the more they may cling to those who remain. They also may be more subject to depression later in life.

Applying this criteria to the family of Hosea, all of those involved would have been experiencing extremely high levels of stress during and following the divorce. But in spite of the pressure he was under, Hosea maintained his personal integrity and tried in every way possible to provide a secure environment for the children. He was not left to handle the pressures alone. In our next lesson we will learn how he was able to cope.

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